Access Granted: Welcome General *cough* Grievous
Sunday, July 31, 2005
All Rise - Part I

Well... I am now in Court after day one of the case, that I killed Kaht Argar. *cough* The commentary is as follows:

Security Personal: All rise for the Supreme Chancellor, and now High Court Judge, Palpatine.

Palpatine: We are here on the charges laid against General Grievous, hereafter referred to as the Defendant, by the family of Jedi Knight Kaht Argar, now know as the Plaintiff.

Grievous: Your Honour I never laid a finger on said Jedi *cough*, let’s just put this case behind us so –

Palpatine: Silence in the Courts [Palpatine whacks hammer on podium], wow I’ve always wanted to do that [Palpatine whacks hammer repetitively on the podium for half an hour]

Member of the Jury: Your Honour, can we get back to the case at hand? You see I have a wife and kids sitting at home waiting for me to –

Palpatine: Ok, ok, I didn’t even ask you to say anything, and quite frankly - [The hammer, which Palpatine was still hitting the podium with slipped out of his hand and flew, arching through the air, into the face of the talking Jury Member, who was promptly knocked out] – oops…. Ahh yes lets get back to the case shall we, Kaht Argar’s family’s Lawyer, I’ll just call you Lawyer, you may now present your case to the jury.

Lawyer: I call upon the Defendant, General Grievous, if that’s his real name of course.

[Grievous walks up to the podium where the Security man places a lightsaber on his hand and make him repeat the following words:

I swear on this holy lightsaber that I will say the truth and nothing but the truth, and if I don’t may it skewer my insides in a bloody and painful death!]

Lawyer: General where were you at the stroke of Midnight, Galactic Standard Time, two weeks ago?

General Grievous: Well… I was up on the bridge of my flagship, the Invisible Hand –

Lawyer: What were you doing awake at that hour? I wonder, could you have been plotting to kill –

Palpatine: Lawyer I do not want to speak to you again, do not insert your wild accusations into your questioning, leave them till the end.

Lawyer: Yes your Honour, so General, what were you doing at the time in question?

Grievous: Well I was taking a walk, you see lately I have had insomnia and so I take walks to help me get to sleep *cough*; well anyway I arrived on the bridge when one of the scanners detected an incoming Jedi Starfighter hailing the ship for entrance stating that they had something important to talk about. *cough*

Lawyer: so what happened next?

Grievous: Well... I’m not one to let important information go, so I lowered the shield over the landing bay, and let the ship enter. I ran down to the ship and waited for the Plaintiff to emerge *cough*. The Plaintiff stepped out of the ship and dropped her lightsaber on the ground as a signal of peace. Next what she said is quite shocking *cough* and you probably don’t want to hear it –

Lawyer: [sounding very enthusiastic, obviously hopping for Grievous to confess] so what did she say?

Grievous: Ok, don’t say I didn’t warn you! She said that she was troubled with what the Order was becoming and wanted to join the Sith –

[Loud gasps all around the court room, along with several people feinting and a loud cry from the family of Kaht Argar]

Palpatine: uhhh, ok, that will be all for today!

A different Jury member: Your Honour we still have another four hours of this case today!

Palpatine: I said that will be all for today! [Palpatine whacks hammer loudly down on the podium] and that is final!


Well I better get this transcript back to the court rooms before they notice it missing, or I could be up for another charge. *cough*

posted by General Grievous at 8:49 am | Permalink | 6 comments
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
Back On the Ship

Well... after Survivor: Tatooine, and a word from Master Sidious, I arrived back on the Invisible Hand, and slew the welcoming droid that I bought to please Count Dooku. When you land it wheels up to you and says "May I take your coat, [Insert Name Here]", any way I slew it because I could. *cough*

Well it was partly because of the droid and partly that the others has switched themselves off for the majority of the time that I was away and now the ship needs a good clean and oil *cough*, they seemed to have had some sort of party, in the time that they were on, and there were shattered glasses of oil and plates of coal lying around, it was a huge mess.

I didn't even dare enter the bridge so shouted some orders then retired to my study *cough*, slipping on some oil and impaling a nearby droid, it was an accident Lord Sidious, honest.

This has not been a good week. *cough*

posted by General Grievous at 6:36 pm | Permalink | 1 comments
Sunday, July 24, 2005
Farewell Mabbit Tribe

My last words on the show are as follows:


Well... I can't say it was a surprise, I mean nearly killing half of you in challenges and then saying I slipped or something does tend to make an enemy of yourself. *Cough*

Well.. Best of luck to the rest of the Mabbitt tribe: I leave you my security droid to Jar Jar to use; I leave my lightsaber to Palps, I don't know why though; and I lave mt set of clothes to whoever wants them.

To the OoTeeni tribe may you fail at everything, except you Master Dooku of course, and be warned I am hovering over Tatooine so don't be surprised if lasers rain down on you, not during the challenges of course, but they could be the cause.

Farewell team and May the Force be with you!


Well it looks like I can finally get back to the Jedi hunting.

posted by General Grievous at 8:33 am | Permalink | 5 comments
Thursday, July 21, 2005
Survivor: Tatooine - Challenge 1
Well.... our first challenge on this miserable hunk of rock, that subsequently I will blow up as soon as I am off it, *cough* was to capture as many Scurriers as possible with a Gaffi stick while riding on a Dewback, my report as is below:

Well.... the challenge was a complete fiasco, at least it was for me, *cough* I couldn't ride the beast at first, a droid's legs can't position themselves as an organic life form can, after about half an hour of wrestling with my Dewback, and I think breaking its foot, I finally decided the most embarrassing way to ride a Dewback, side saddle, eventually I managed to kill and carry back one Scurrier and killed another one but ran out of time taking it back. *cough*

So we (the Mabbitt Tribe, the Tribe of the Great, the Superior Tribe) have eliminations where one of us will be voted off, who shall it be. *cough*

posted by General Grievous at 9:07 am | Permalink | 0 comments
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Onboard the Invisible Hand
Well as we all have laptops to post with on Survivor: Tatooine I though that I could access the cameras on my ship, unfortunatly for me there was nothing happening that shouldn't be and so when i get back I can't slay some droids; I now need to find some way to make the droids malfunction or do something to displease me so I can claim them as expenses from Lord Sidious.
posted by General Grievous at 6:05 pm | Permalink | 3 comments
Sunday, July 17, 2005
The Enemies have Arrived

Ok... After careful analysis of the opposition they are as follows:

Anakin: Fast, quick witted but generally easily distracted with an underlying selfish motive.
Dooku: One of my Masters, I should not get on his bad side but I will not just step aside and let him win either
Han: A strong force to be reckoned with, nothing else is known
Mace: should be able to distract him with a quick riddle to confuse him while stealing something from beneath his nose
Padme: if needed I'll give her the clothes I arrived in to save her a shopping trip
Siri: I would have great pleasure in taking her lightsaber from her
Typho: similar to me in some respects, inferior in others
Yoda: that little green monkey will be hard to beat and I will need to keep a constant watch on him

Their team doesn't seem that tough, we should be able to easily defeat them and take the money.

posted by General Grievous at 11:06 am | Permalink | 1 comments
Friday, July 15, 2005
Let the Games Begin
Well the competition has started and I am in the Mabbitt tribe along with the following members:

Aayla: possibly a problem as we still haven't settled our argument to my liking
Fluke: he better not try and give me another cough drop
Jar Jar: maybe I can convince him to take out life insurance
Leia: well... I can't think of anything
Obi-Wan: maybe our race will occur some time during the show

Palpatine: ahh good maybe I can ask for a pay increase if I save him a couple of times
Qui-Gon: well he better not offer me any brownies - I’m in enough debt as it is

We were also faced with a question of what we are to take with us:
- we could take our clothes that we were wearing
- a weapon of our choice
- a luxury item

Needless to say my weapon was a lightsaber and my luxury item a security droid armed to the teeth (what use would I have with luxury items anyway)

Well to take all that I could I decided to wear this to for someone to use latter, unfortunately the shirt ripped when put on.

posted by General Grievous at 5:02 pm | Permalink | 6 comments
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
My New Ship
Well my new ship just arrived, it's exactly the same as my old ship with a few more guns, brand new droids that are still under warranty, and a coffee machine on the bridge.

Well as my first test of its weaponary capability I targeted my old ship and blew it out of space. *cough*

The Invisible Hand sucked into the gravitational field of some poor planet. *cough*

My second test was to travel to Tatooine for the new Survivor series in as little times as possible, this was a very bad idea as the pilot was just getting used to the controls, or so he said, and nearly flew into some unfortunate planet's moon. We arrived very quickly to say the least and I felt like I had left half of my body galaxies back.

Well it needs to be fine tuned but it sure is better than my last ship. *cough*
posted by General Grievous at 10:14 am | Permalink | 7 comments
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
The Master's Escape
Well it turns out that those driods that let Obi's twin escape were still working on my ship despite my orders for them to be turned to scrap, it seems that the droid I gave the order to "forgot" to tell another droid to get them to be terminated.

Anyway they thought Jedi Master K'Kruhk was dead, it was a quite mutilated corpse, and decided to bin it, I walked into the cell, saw the Jedi missing, and slew every droid on my way to the hangar where I promptly borded a landing vessel and left the ship.

Hey Master Sidious I've found a target to test the Death Star on! Now I have to find a new ship.
posted by General Grievous at 4:05 pm | Permalink | 2 comments
Monday, July 11, 2005
Community Service
Well I'm off to the FSYA (Force Sensitive Younglings Association) to pick up a kid to train in the art of lightsaber wielding (of course there is the disadvantage that they have of having only two arms).

This is all part of Sidious's new "Do bad to me, and you get community service" policy, he somehow found out that I used.... alot.... of fuel on my space tour with Dooku (I wonder if it was Yoda).

Somehow Dooku got let off community service, I think he pointed the finger at me when accused.

Well better get off they'll be waiting for me.
posted by General Grievous at 10:13 am | Permalink | 3 comments
Sunday, July 10, 2005
The fight with K'Kruhk
Well we, Dooku joined me on Kashyyk, went off in search of Master K'Kruhk.

With a bit of luck and alot of droid power we located and traced said Jedi Master to a cave on the surface.

On approaching the cave we were greated by the Jedi running out at us, needless to say we did a bit of this:

and a bit of this:

and eventually a bit of this:

eventually Master K'Kruhk was overcome and killed. Needless to say that my droids carried the corpse to the Invisible Hand and dumped it in a cell (no healing and living again this time master Whipid) *cough*
posted by General Grievous at 8:30 am | Permalink | 4 comments
Saturday, July 09, 2005
The Hunt Begins
I'm on the tail of Jedi Master K'Kruhk

A few hours ago my informant saw said Jedi Master leaving Coruscant (I was about to visit Lord Sidious as he said that he had to speak to me about something) I have since been following him *cough*

K'Kruhk has once evaded me with his Whipid ability but will not again

He seems to have landed on Kashyyk. Well he will be surprised.
posted by General Grievous at 4:29 pm | Permalink | 0 comments
Friday, July 08, 2005
Force Lessons
Well I thought that if Jar Jar Binks can be a Jedi by corespondance then i could be a Sith Lord (or a bit of one) if i asked Darth Tyrannus to teach me. *cough*

Well you know the Sith, he kept everything from me. However he taught me how to cummunicate with the force so that when he dies we can still continue our morning luncheons. While having these lessons a flash of Dooku appeared in my head, it seems like it is Dooku when hes dead but I did not see how soon that is. *cough*

posted by General Grievous at 10:15 am | Permalink | 4 comments
Thursday, July 07, 2005
Galaxy Road Trip
Well after the splendid spar with Dooku last time I decided to take him on a tour of the Galaxy, these are some of the sights that we saw: *cough*

Well we departed from here secretly (how else would we, we could hardly blast our way in and out again, or could we...).

The Death Star: *cough*
Well Dooku insisted that if we were to do this I could claim the fuel as a business trip if we stopped here (who am I to not take free fuel).

I thought Dooku might like this place full of beautiful scenery. We missed Senator Amidala by mere seconds as she arrived from her daily shopping.

Well we came here because the doctors said to pay them a visit should I ever be in the neighborhood (have i said how good they are). *cough* Despite it not being on the itinery it proved to be a most spectacular view.

Well Tatooine isn't that bad just hot and sunny, Dooku thought he should get a tan while here *cough* and promptly decided that putting on tanning lotion while on tatooine was not good.

Well we came here to cool down after the hot climate of Tatooine. I found some natives who were willing to buy my droids off me here for a very reasonable price (with a little persuasion from Dooku) *cough*

Well another part of the business trip checking up on the clone troopers (I believe Master Yoda was staying in the room next to ours) *cough* Nice place to be really, but the water lodges itself in my lungs.

Well that was our trip through all kinds of weather and 6 fuel stops totaling........ too many credits. Shhh..... don't tell Sidious. *cough*
posted by General Grievous at 2:40 pm | Permalink | 4 comments
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
Droids for Sale!

Well when I got back from my surgery the doctor said to rest for a few days: which I did *cough* only to find that I was locked in my study as the guards thought I was still away and performed a lockdown on my room.

So being unable to post and starving for a week *cough* the doctors decided to call the ship (to ask how I was recovering I suppose) when some useless droids answered the call and were promptly shocked and raced to my room to release me.

Needless to say when I arrived at the bridge with the droids grovelling at my feet I snatched my lightsabers from my desk (the Geonosians wouldn't let me take them, they thought it a health and safety risk) and slew half of them and now the other half are for sale.

Bidding starts at 1000 galactic credits! *cough*

posted by General Grievous at 8:33 am | Permalink | 2 comments
Geonosian Surgery

Ok.... I'm back *cough* feeling a bit sick but better all the same. The Geonosians are excellent surgeons and I must recommend them to all who need to have some biological or mechanical part fixed, actually this was in my contract for a cheaper fee (I didn't just say that).

As you will have noticed I have been away for a while *cough* and now have a lesser coughing problem. The Geonosians have fixed my lungs form the damage that Master Windu inflicted. Well needless to say I spent a few weeks in their hospital while I recuperated.

However since then I have had some major technical difficulties *cough*

posted by General Grievous at 8:20 am | Permalink | 0 comments