Access Granted: Welcome General *cough* Grievous
Sunday, January 22, 2006
Zipping about on my way to promotion
My wheel bike arrived a few days ago, and since then I've been busy catching criminals all over the planet... well, the part of the planet which I've been assigned to.

Now, I've had a few problems with my bike: failure to start first time, slower than normal speeds, grip loss on medium density surfaces... and I think it is time that I take it in for repairs.

Yesterday, I went to the repair shop to see what was wrong and how much it would cost to get it repaired.

"Hi, I'm Grievous, and I'd like to book my wheel bike for a service."
"Hi, I'm Mike, and I'm sorry to inform you that this is a Garage for flying vehicles only, no land vehicles will be serviced here."
"So do you know where I could go?"
"Now that'd be against my contract, I'm not allowed to promote any other businesses."
"Now, you will tell me or I'll make sure you don't see this place tomorrow."
"Ok, bring your bike round the back, tell Hanack that I told you to go there, he'll fix your bike for you."

The bike is still being repaired; they say it'll be done tomorrow.
Lt. Cmdr Oneida :
'I hunt down and kill the Jedi because they and the Republic nearly killed me.'
Uh-oh, I hear present tense here, so you haven't really retired, have you! Aren't you supposed to work with the Jedi as a cop?
Well, I that has taken a back seat while they are my superiors.

Jawa Juice:
Is it true that putting a restraining bolt on you will make you celibate?
I don't think I'll answer that.

Do you know any other droids, and if so how well do you know them?
I know plenty of droids, however most of them have no personality, only my Magna droids are friendly and I think that is only because they are programmed to be polite to me.
posted by General Grievous at 6:01 PM | Permalink | 26 comments
Monday, January 16, 2006
Suubatars/More Answers
According to the locals here it is customary to ride a Suubatar, a tall fast beast, to get around fast. I loath beasts, they're just too hard to control, and my body isn't made for sitting astride them. But even with my arguing my superior still sent me on a Suubatar riding course in the hope that we can catch more criminals if we're faster.

Needless to say, it was a total disaster; I fell off every 100 meters and then was dragged along until the beast finally stopped when I punched it in the side. When I got back feeling like I was in pieces, my superior was there waiting for me.

"Hey Ray, what do you want this time?"
"Grievous, I've heard about today, how do you think we're going to beat the crime here if our beast officer can't keep up with them?"
"I'm sorry sir, but I can't ride those things, now if you are willing to wait, I'll import my wheel bike."
"Ok, you have one chance to prove you’re worth having on the force, don't disappoint me."
"Yes sir."
"And Grievous, in future don't bring kids on patrols with you."

My wheel bike will arrive in 3 days, until then I've been relieved of duty.
Lt. Cmdr Oneida:
Do you have any other clothes, maybe like a leather jacket or a duster? Those can be pretty snazzy.
No, I have no clothes although sometimes I wear them, but only because I'm made too.

Jango Fett:
How come you hunt down Jedi and kill them? Do you like the Mandalorians?
I hunt down and kill the Jedi because they and the Republic nearly killed me. If we have the same goals, I don't see why I can't like the Mandalorians.

Continue asking questions if you'd like.
posted by General Grievous at 8:32 AM | Permalink | 13 comments
Saturday, January 14, 2006
Answers from the bot
So here are the answers to the questions that you asked:

Lt Cmdr Oneida:
What did you look like before all the attachments?
Well, us Kaleesh have reddish orange scales to protect us from the heat, although our claws are normally the only part that extrudes from our clothes. In terms of shape, we're a lot like humans.
Do you ever get an itch in a place you can't reach?
Simply, no, I can't fell all that much, however instead of itches a cable may get caught and orevent me from using a limb.
Does your cape keep you warm?
No, I don't feel temperature, and as such I only where the cape because it looks cool.

Did you ever get rid of that acne problem you had in high school? ( little spots of oil all over his metal head)
As a boy I never had acne, much less spots on my metal head because my head wasn't metal at the time.

What’s your favorite color?
I'd have to go with silver, the colour of many lightsabers.
If your lightsabers that you have ever died on you, what would you do?
Probably just get another one out, or continue fighting with only three.

Do you have an organic Brain/ and if so do you get brain freeze from eating Ice cream to fast.
Yes, I have an organic brain, but I can't eat, so I don't get brain freeze.

I understand that your war droids respond to a series of codes to attack, defend, or even shut down. Can you give me an example of some valid codes, especially the shut down one?
Now that would be telling a trade secret, wouldn't it.

Private Hudson:
Have you ever heard of a cough drop?
Yes I have, as well as having one stuffed down my throat by Fluke.

There you have it, the answers to your questions.
posted by General Grievous at 2:00 PM | Permalink | 3 comments
Friday, January 13, 2006
Taking a trip into the deep grass - Part Two
... continued from here

... He drew his blaster and fired.

And was nearly killed by the same bolt as a lightsaber deflected it back at him, but it wasn't my lightsaber, in fact he didn't even fire at me, it was Mael who he shot at and Mael who deflected the bolt at him. You see, he hadn't quite made his way round behind them and popped up to take a look at what was happening, this is when the leader fired, and owing to his excellent, if somewhat unfinished training, the leader nearly made a fatal mistake.

That notion that the kid was more powerful than them got them rattled, then turned tail and ran. They were so blinded by the sight of a 6 limbed kid wielding a lightsaber that they ran into another stall before making their way round to the fields on the edge of the city.

"Hop on my back Mael, we have to run fast to catch them!"

And we were off, being taller than the grass, that was barely taller than them, and having another person on top of me made it easy to know where they went and they were followed with ease.

After a 30 minute run we reached what appeared to be their campsite.
"Come in Chief, this is officer 568, over." I said into my radio.
"This is Ray, what's your status, over?"
"I've tracked down the thieves to co-ordinates 2548,0456, over."
"Roger that, dispatching all available men to your location, over and out"

I took the first person 15 more minutes to show up in the bush behind me, and it was then that we laid out our plans.

Their camp was surrounded by a thick cluster of trees, in a rough "L" shape. I approached from the short end flanked by 2 officers; Mael was hiding in the grass.
"Come out with your hands up, we have you surrounded!"
A few bolts were fired from among the trees.
"Drop your weapons and you will not be harmed!"
"Can't you take a hint tin can, we're not giving up!"
"Ok, move in boys, take them with force!"

Within 5 minutes the tied and gagged bodies of 5 people were dragged out and into a newly arrived police transport.
"Congratulations Officer, now get back to your patrol!"
posted by General Grievous at 9:17 PM | Permalink | 10 comments
Thursday, January 12, 2006
Taking a trip into the deep grass - Part One
We arrived on the planet with only a minor problem, an explosive mine was detected on the landing platform so we had to wait while a droid was sent to activate the mine. Other than that I was in my apartment and settled in within a couple of hours, and it was here that I found another rule applying to the apartment.
No minor is to be left alone in an apartment under any circumstances.
Now this is a problem, he can't stay home, so he has to go with me, he goes with me and is caught in a dangerous situation then he is taken away by Social Services, and so the courts make some money. Unfortunately for Mael I don't yet have the money to pay a day care centre to look after him (even if I did, I'd need to find one that isn't associated with one of the crime rings).

So along he came on my first patrol of the markets. Anison has a huge Market spanning several blocks selling some of the best natural clothing in the latest fashions, much of which is either exported cheaply or stolen. So we walked around the stalls, listening for thieves or any disturbance of the peace, and found nothing, in fact it wasn't until half way through the second patrol that we heard anything, and then it was only a native feline climbing through an antique vase stall.

It was around dawn when the thieves struck, Mael came up to me to report the noise he had heard coming from a stall in the next block.
"Ok, Mael, go and hide behind them, I'll come from the front and we'll trap them."
"Yes master."
And with this he scuttled of on all six limbs around the noise that was getting even louder.

To give the thieves credit, they did their research thoroughly, they knew exactly what they wanted, and they wanted the alcohol from "Tipsy Gypsy’s Drinks and more Drinks" stall. I walked up to them:
"Hey you there stop in the name of the law, you are under arrest!"
"Whohohoho, what have we here boys, a run down old droid who thinks he's an officer!"
"Yeah boss, a run down old droid!"
"Yes, I just said that didn't I Now where were we, ahh yes, you droid leave no if you want to leave in one piece."
"I'm afraid that is not possible, for I am a police officer, and you are under arrest, try and escape and I will be forcer to kill you!"
"You have left me no choice droid."

He drew his blaster and fired.

To be continued tomorrow...
posted by General Grievous at 8:41 PM | Permalink | 5 comments
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
A hard decision
So, we were on our way to Anison, luggage packed and ready to leave Coruscant when a flight attendant came over and addressed Mael:

"Young sir, you are not allowed to have your Droid on board, kindly ask him to follow me to the cargo hold."
"Excuse me Miss, I am not merely a Droid, I am an officer, and as such I am entitled to sit here."
"So you are willing to pay for two seats?"
"Well, no, these seats are free."
"As I see it there are passes for a Grievous and two Droids."
"What! But the apartment is for an organic being and two droids!"
"And your pass is for you and two droids!"
"But I've brought only one droid; can't I bring Mael in place of the other Droid?"
"I'm sorry but that is not possible, unless one of you is willing to travel in the cargo hold."
I took a look around and saw many of my co-workers looking at me, wondering what I'd do. I sighed.
"Where's the cargo hold?"
"Right this way sir."
"Come on Mael, let's go."

So he travelled in the cargo hold, meditating, while I sat outside the door, waiting for my complimentary dinner to arrive.
posted by General Grievous at 9:14 PM | Permalink | 7 comments
Monday, January 09, 2006
Moving to Anison

Well they say that the life of a policeman is rough, well that statement just about covers it. If you're ever in the lower levels of Coruscant do NOT wear an officer's badge. It will lead to unnecessary violence, and if you are an exceptionally able officer a few dents and a bundle of arrests for charges of assault.

And it because of this that I am moving to Anison, it looks like crime is up and the law is having a hard time coping with it so they requested help from Coruscant, so a few ship loads of us are going to be shipped over to Anison.

For this we get special living quarters among other things, this posed me one problem;
All apartments can be occupied by one organic being and up to two droids.
My problem is that in my contract I was specified as "droid" and so I had the remaining slots of one droid and one organic being to fill. Now the other rule is that:
A droid can not live in an apartment without an organic being, this is not a storage shed.
So I was left with the problem of finding a suitable organic life form. Well first there is the obvious choice of Dooku, but for equally obvious reasons I can not live with him. To get over this dilemma I posted an Ad on the local Holo-net channel.

Not only did this leave me with a flood of calls, but also with a large cancellation fee as I remembered the perfect, well almost perfect, organic being, the Quermian; Mael.

So know we are off to Anison to lower the crime rate, me, Mael, and one of my IG-100 droids.

posted by General Grievous at 6:36 PM | Permalink | 3 comments
Saturday, January 07, 2006
Questions for the bot
I just got back from the final interview for my policing career, and it got me thinking, what don't you know about me?

So for the next week, I want you to email me questions, or leave them in the comments asking anything about me, and I will do my best to answer them.

If you want to do this too just tell me and I'll link to you here.

Major qustion for the Major: Major Rage
Town Hall Meeting: Darth Sidious
posted by General Grievous at 7:42 PM | Permalink | 6 comments
Monday, January 02, 2006
Working on the right side of the law
So according to the fine print of the deal I signed for residency I have to contribute something to society. I overlooked this when signing thinking that a couple of donations to the local shelter would suffice, but no, I need to actively give something to the community.

So it was for this reason that I walked into the local career office and headed towards the community involvement area.

"So, Grievous, you want to pursue a career that benefits the community?"
"Yes, I do."
"What previous work experience do you have?"
"Well, I was the General for the Separatist’s army but was recently ummm..... dismissed."
"Well, let's see what jobs we have here, obviously we have nothing as grand as General, but I'm sure we can find something.... Ahhh what about this, would you like to be a fire fighter?"
"Ambulance driver?"
"Attack dog?"
"Uhhh never mind... this would suit you, would you like to be a Police officer? It requires one of excellent physical and mental condition with a desire to uphold justice with the benefit of donuts at the station, so what do you say?"
"Is that all?"
"Uhhh, yes it is."
"Well I guess I’ll have to take it."
posted by General Grievous at 8:07 PM | Permalink | 6 comments