Access Granted: Welcome General *cough* Grievous
Sunday, October 23, 2005
Routine Examination

Today I had to go and see a psychiatrist on Master Sidious's orders; he claims it is in the fine print of my contract. It must be incredibly fine; I went over it on 500% zoom and still couldn't find it. Anyway, he insists that it's there and ordered me to see the shrink.

I walked up to the receptionist, in a huge marble chamber, on Hoth.
Grievous: I'm here to see Dr Happtise.
Receptionist: You must be General Grievous! Right this way, I will see you now.
Grievous: You? But I'm here to see Dr Happtise!
Receptionist: I am Dr Happtise; we've been having some financial difficulties at the moment. Can you believe that people don't like coming to see psychiatrists?
Grievous: Ahhh.... no....
Dr Happtise: Here we are.

She turned into another huge room. This one was made of wood panels and a floor to ceiling bookcase that covered the walls. Dr Happtise walked over to her solid wood desk and motioned for me to lie on a leather sofa.
Dr Happtise: So, why are you here?
Grievous: Because Darth Sidious sent me here.
Dr Happtise: I have no time for jokes like that! Now, why are you here?
Grievous: I told you, Darth Sidious sent me here!
Dr Happtise: No he didn't! [She pulled out a thick cane the size of small tree]
Grievous: Umm... My employer sent me.
Dr Happtise: That's better. How why did they send you here?
Grievous: How should I know? I'm not them.
Dr Happtise: Ok, who do you dislike?
Grievous: Yoda, Mace Windu, Jar Jar, some other Jedi and other people.
Dr Happtise: And who are your friends, or who can you tolerate?
Grievous: Palpatine, Dooku, and a few others.
Dr Happtise: Would they know why you're here?
Grievous: How should I know? I'm not them.
Dr Happtise: I see, well that’s what we need to fix.

She went to her desk and pulled out a phial, with a lime green liquid in it, and gave it to me.
Dr Happtise: Now drink this!
Grievous: No, I don't know what’s in it.
Dr Happtise: I said drink it! [She raises her cane]
Grievous: Alright!

After that she said I could leave. Now that was an experience I could have done without, that liquid tasted like lemon and lime earwax.

posted by General Grievous at 12:02 AM | Permalink |