Access Granted: Welcome General *cough* Grievous
Thursday, August 04, 2005
All Rise - Part III

Its was the final day for the case, here’s how it went:

Security Personal: All rise for Palpatine!

Palpatine: That was much better; it was much too informal before. Well we are here today for the final statements from each party, Lawyer you can go first.

Lawyer: See these pictures [walks up to the projector and inserts a film clip of a Wookie mauling a human Jedi] this has nothing to do with the case except it shows how anything is possible even if it was previously thought improbable, therefore it is highly possible that the Defendant is gui –

[The court doors open and a very distressed looking Dooku walks in muttering under his breath]

Dooku: Good day old chaps. I’m awfully sorry, my pocket watch stopped, I have been terribly late all day.

Palpatine: It’s all right Dooku, we have only just begun.

[Dooku walks to the jury and sits down]

Jury Member: I’m not sure that you should be here sir, this is for Jury members’ onl –

Palpatine: He may sit there!

Jury Member: But your Honour, he can’t possibly be allowed to sit here, he may try to kill one of us to sway the vote in the General’s favour –

Dooku: Preposterous! How could you even think that I would commit such a vile and senseless act, I’m outraged –

Palpatine: He will sit there, now back to the case! [Whack!] Continue Lawyer.

Lawyer: Where was I… Ahh yes, the Plaintiff is most clearly guilty, if a dumb Wookie can kill a Jedi surely we can’t put is past a Jedi hunter to kill a Jedi. I rest my ca –

[The door opens and a man runs in panting heavily, he runs up to the Lawyer and whispers something]

Lawyer: Your Honour, may I question this Messenger?

Palpatine: I guess so, just hurry up I want to get out before my parking ticket expires!

[The Messenger walks up to the witness box, sits down and takes the oath:

I swear on my holy DNA scanner that I will say the truth and nothing but the truth, and if I don’t may it emit deadly radiation and mutate me into something so hideous that I am forced to hide for life!]

Lawyer: Messenger, tell the Jury what you have just told me.

Messenger: Well bro, I was delivering a parcel to, ya now, the place on the outer rim, what’s it called, -

Lawyer: Tatooine?

Messenger: Ya that’s the one, thanks bro! I found this corpse in the sand that I was crossing to deliver the parcel, it was identified as the body of [pulls out a slip of paper and reads a name] Kat Arga, Kath Argar, sorry, Kaht Argar! –

Grievous: Objection your honour! How could he know that there was a corpse in the Sanctioned Area on Tatooine! It is off limits to all but the Hutts! This witness is void!

Lawyer: General, how do you know that he was in the Sanctioned Area?

Grievous: He said it, didn’t he?

Lawyer: No he didn’t! Your Honour it seems obvious now that the defendant is guilty and should be charged accordingly. I rest my case!

Palpatine: Very well, this has changed thing quite dramatically. What do you have to say General?

Grievous: Well… I can’t deny that I didn’t place the Plaintiff’s severed body in the Sanctioned Area, but I did not kill her! She ran willingly into it! If I am found guilty you are saying that if someone extends an arm, unknowingly with a lightsaber, offering help and the said Jedi is either to run through it or be vaporised in the shield, that that person who offers help is to be convicted for helping then may the world –

Palpatine: Yes General, we get the picture, do you have anything else that you wish to say?

Grievous: No your Honour!

Palpatine: Then I adjourn this case for two days! At this time the Jury will meet and a verdict decided! [Palpatine whacks the hammer and sprints out of the room heading for his speeder park]

Messenger: Ahh… Can I go?

Jury Member: Yes you may.


Well I admit it’s not looking good, I’m going to slay another couple of droids to ease my frustration.

posted by General Grievous at 5:41 PM | Permalink |