Access Granted: Welcome General *cough* Grievous
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
All Rise - Part II

Yesterday the case was delayed as Palpatine couldn’t be secured for a release from Survivor, but today he was able to come and so the trial proceeded as follows:


Security Personal: All rise for the Supreme Chanc –

Palpatine: Yes, we know already, now I have to get back before they notice I’m missing so let’s get this underway. Where were we, uhhh yes, we were at the conversation between the Defendant and the Plaintiff, Lawyer do you wish to continue your case?

Lawyer: No your Honour, I rest my case.

[Jury members start talking quietly to each other]

Palpatine: Silence [Whack!] O, you can all be seated by the way.

Grievous: About time!

Palpatine: What was that General?

Grievous: Nothing Master.

Palpatine: Good, Grievous I believe you are defending yourself? Well you may begin now.

Grievous: Well…. It began just over two weeks ago when I walked onto the bridge, because of my insomnia –

Palpatine: We’ve heard this before General, skip to where we left off or do we need some community service to help you along?

Lawyer: Yes do get on with this delightful story General… unless you are going to tell more li -

Palpatine: Silence… I’m warning you… community service if you mention it again, continue Grievous.

Grievous: Well as I said last time the Plaintiff had just said she wanted to be a –

Palpatine: Yes, yes, yes we know go on from after that!

Grievous: Ok, well of course I said that I was not the biomechanical person to talk to this about. Well she took this rather badly, she charged at me, kicking then snatching up lightsaber from the ground whilst at the same time igniting it. Needless to say that I quickly ignited my lightsabers [Grievous’s voice becomes increasingly enthusiastic] as she continued charging and had begun to raise her blade as if to attack from above, of course this is a typical move for when a person wants is going to attack from the side, but to be careful I position my self as to block from above and from both sides. Unfortunately she attack from beneath catching me off guard and slicin –

Palpatine: Do we really need to hear this?

Grievous: Just a bit more… anyway as I said she caught me off guard and I lost an arm, well my reflexes are made so that when this happens I instantly attack and kill the enemy. Fortunately for the Plaintiff her reflexes, aided by the force, saved her and all that happened is that she lost a hand.

Jury Member: Which hand?

Grievous: Her left hand, it was the one holding the lightsaber, anyway after amputating the hand she fell on the floor clutching the scorched stub of her arm, she then looked up at me and charged again with her remaining arm aiming for my neck, well I, being the courteous gentleman that I am [murmuring from the crowd] sidestepped this rage motivated attack. Well that’s when it all went wrong, as the fight started I had turned to cut her off from her ship and the hangar opening was directly behind me and as she charged and I sidestepped the shock rapidly appeared on her face. I quickly turned around and saw what was happening, she was charging straight for the shield protecting the hangar –

Jury Member: General, may I ask what type of shield it is?

Grievous: Certainly, it is a laser spreader [puzzled looks appear on many faces], simply put it spreads the waves emitted from the lasers over an area, it is used to instantly destroy a ship trying to enter the hangar.

Jury Member: Ok… well do continue.

Grievous: Well seeing the Plaintiff wanted to become a Sith it was preferable for her to be alive and not to die and her plunging into the shield would most certainly kill her. I did the only thing I could do; reach out an arm to prevent her from running into it. [Grievous pauses uncertainly]

Palpatine: Well continue, [Palpatine leans forward to the edge of his seat] its just starting to get interesting.

Grievous: Well that precisely where it ends, I hadn’t retracted my lightsaber blade and, needless to say, she ran right through it.

[Winces from the crowd]

Palpatine: Ok… well… that is all.

[Jury Member stands up as if to object, but thinks better of it from the look of horror on Palpatine’s face, and sits back down]


Well that was day two, a hard day for many, I’m thinking of a vacation soon, perhaps somewhere with nice long beaches?

posted by General Grievous at 5:51 PM | Permalink |


  • At 7:24 PM, Blogger jedisiri


  • At 12:12 AM, Blogger Master Yoda

    So, Palpatine as judge, hmm?

    Hmph! A better judge, Judge Judy would be!

  • At 2:01 AM, Blogger flu


    ...always wanted to do that...

  • At 2:59 AM, Blogger JawaJuice


    ....I always wanted to do that...

  • At 8:49 AM, Blogger Leia

    Well anyone stupid enough to run through a saber blade deserves to die.

  • At 7:37 PM, Blogger Jar Jar Binks

    Mesa tinken theysa might chargen yousa with "Dangerous negligence resulten in greivous (no pun intenden) bodily harm).

  • At 8:33 PM, Blogger General Grievous

    Negligence? How? The injured party "willingly" ran into my lighsaber and would have died anyway. Are you saying that I shouldm't have tried to save the Plaintiff? *cough*

  • At 8:07 AM, Blogger Cardboard Knight

    A Dragon hunting quest ye shall go on. Yonder over mountains of Britain ye shall find solitude.

    -Sir Cardbored