If you remember, a while ago Master Sidious gave me an order to train a youngling in the way of the lightsabre. However, I was busy and had no time for him; in fact, I had so little time for him that I locked him in his room to stop him following me. Time wore on and I forgot about him, until today. Just before lunch my ship was hailed by a civilian ship requesting to land to discuss child cruelty.
"This is civilian ship Z0245-A requesting landing clearance and immediate cease to shield generation."
"This is General Grievous, what business brings you to the Invisible hand?"
"We wish to see the youngling under your tutorage General."
"You meant the FSYA student I locked in a room and is probably dead..."
"Pardon, I didn't catch that last part."
"Ahh nothing, come onboard"
I turned to my droids:
"Go to the guest room on the fourth level, five doors along, and get the kid in there."
The ambassadors came onboard and met me in the reception lounge.
"Greetings General Grievous, I'm Jake Napda, and this is my colleague Jake Foop. We would like to see the youngling placed in your care some time ago."
"You may, I've sent one of my droids to go fetch him as we speak. Would you like something to drink?"
I walked off to the bar and pulled out a couple of bottles of spirits and poured them into a couple of glasses, if that didn't put them in a good mood, nothing would. While doing this, a droid came in carrying a skeleton with a few remaining clothes attached.
"Here's the boy, General Grievous."
"That's not him, he was alive last time I saw him.... You did feed him everyday didn't you?"
"I had no such orders."
"Ok, don't mention this to the ambassadors."
I went back to the ambassadors:
"Here you go." [While giving them the drinks]
"So where is the boy, it's been a while since you sent for him?"
"He's probably exploring the ship's air vents or something, you know young kids."
Just at this moment the droid walked into the room carrying the skeleton and brandishing a FSYA t-shirt.
"Sir, do you want me to dispose of the kid and his possessions?"
I quickly turned around and said the only thing I could think of:
"You did not see this, the kid is alright, you will not return!" [While waving my hand in an imitation of the Sith and Jedi]
"We didn't see this, we have to go now, our next appointment is in two days. Good morning General."
Well that was a close one; I hope Master Sidious doesn't hear about it.
In the forming of the Army to face the Republic we created a Council of Thirteen. These Thirteen were meant to organize the Army and follow under my command. Unfortunately they have not done a good job and many are being replaced when more suitable replacements are found. The members are:
Zin: The bounty hunter I found on Coruscant. Resourceful, energetic, determined, and like pizza.
Atmo Larc: A skilled close combat warrior, he wields 2 heavy masses with reflective qualities.
Stec Marto: The technician on the Council, he's constantly fixing the projector when I slice it in two.
Frentac Smenta: Skilled with explosives. His motto is: "There's nothing too big to destroy. So don't get in my way!"
Terscanee Awze: A mercenary skilled in the art of spying, friends with Frentac.
Arthac Naught: Account on the Council. Responsible purely for the deficit lately - it wasn't me I promise!
Count Dooku: Recently added to the council to replace a Bantha that was slain when they started to eat my notes.
Hatred: A hateful old Bantha - long, messy hair.
Killer: A deadly Bantha - short, neatly groomed hair.
Fury: A young Bantha that is not easily pleased - tangled mess of greasy hair.
Death: A very old bantha - grey hair and the slowest of all the Banthas.
Grave: A determined young Bantha that it likely to get himself killed - small with moderate length hair.
Angry: A spiteful Bantha of moderate age who insists on having ribbons in their hair - wears ribbons in a coat of long shiny hair.
The last six are merely place holders, however, they do get a say in the running of the Army when I’m not around - they are made to stand in a pen of their choice, where they are is what they vote for (only for Yes/No decisions).
It was this council that decided to go to war with Count Dooku luring the Banthas into a pen with the promise of a day with Yoda. They went in and it was a 7-6 vote with the Banthas and Dooku winning. So now I'm on my way to Kamino to try and keep as many droids as possible alive.
"Hello, Palpatine speaking."
"Good morning old chap!"
"Uhhhh... Dooku stay off the old stuff, you know I'm sensitive about my age."
"Well, I just have to say that I'm felling dreadful, and won't be able to make our morning tea today. I'll send you some tea for you to have."
"No, no, no… you don’t need to go to all that effort for me!"
"But I insist, it will be with you before 10."
All in all, it wasn’t the most spiffing day that I’ve had.